Wherever you are

1am. After a long tiring day at the office I decided, after spending some quality time at a café nearby, I decided to sit at the spanish steps. I still had a bottle of wine in my hands. It's a nasty habit I've learned from the italians: always bring your own wine since cafés and restaurants hardly ever know your taste anyway (except the really expensive ones but that doesn't matter).

It was a chilly night and at this time of night nobody else was there, the famous Piazza di Spagna was empty leaving myself alone with my thoughts. Not a awhile ago I remember to be writing my blog back home scenes precisely like this one. Every single detail was there. I remember being able almost to hear the quiet sound of Amsterdam's channels, of the cheerful tunes of Munich's bierhauses.

But one thing I always felt about these texts: they couldn't give the readers a proper idea of how it felt to be truly living these moments. I've always had the idea that no matter how well I described things (which I didn't), they'd always be missing somenthing like the thrill of diving into the Inn Valley in the Alps to arrive at Innsbruck or the warm and relieving feel of the tears that insisted to fall when I saw the Eiffel Tower for the first time many years ago.

As my sight was lost in the long Via Condotti I realized something: in all of my posts I've never talked about this place. For some unknown reason I left Rome forgotten in my posts. It's interesting because I've written about many things, situations and places but never talked about this beautiful place, for some the cradle of western civilization.

Unfair! Oops..guess I just let my thoughts slip through my mouth...think I said it out loud. But I decided to fix that and write a new post there about this place, it's people and my experience here which is being much more than fantastic.

2:30am. I run out of wine, but I feel like having some more. Guess the roman air requires you to have your wine always close. I think I'll stop by a café on my way back home. Before leaving, I walked towards la fontana de la barcaccia, to drop a dime as I always do when I stop by the steps. When I threw the coin I noticed that someone was watching me bacause I could make out a face through the water reflexion. As I turned back I could see this blue-eyed brunette woman smiling at me and looking at me so sweetly that I felt she was no stranger.

I had the weird impression of déjà vu so I decided to ask her if we've seen each other before (using my lousy italian). She answered me:

"Oui, nous avons nous rencontré plusieurs fois à plusieurs places de plusieurs manières. Tu me trouveras dans ton poche et dans ton coeur aussi."
(Yes, we've met many times at many places on many ways. You'll find me inside your pocket and also inside your heart.)

I was puzzled. Why would she speak french if I asked her in italian and I was in Rome! I had nothing else to do: I reached my pocket and I felt something: it was the paper from my dream. How on Earth did it end up in there? It was folded in half and had "Je t'aime" written on it.

When I showed it to her she smiled and held my hands. Never before I felt such warm, delicate and soft hands in my life. After that she took my right hand and moved it towards her face. When it did she just said:

"Je suis réel."
(I am real.)

When I heard that I started crying like I never did in my life. I wasn't loud, it was a resolute cry of relief, liberating years of frustration imprisoned deep inside me.

While my tears were cascading though my face she took my hand again and said:

"Je suis réel mais tu ne m'as jamais connu...encore. Cette vie ici est réel aussi mais pas maintenant. C'est un rêve mais je ne te quitterai jamais mon amour et ne désespère pas: nous nous trouverons à la vie réel au futur...proche. Moi je existe aussi, je ne suis pas partie de ton imagination. J'éxiste et je te cherche tous les jours."
(I am real but you never met me...yet. This life here is real as well but not now. This is a dream but I'll never leave you, love and do not despair: we will find each other in real life...soon. As for me I also exist, I'm not part of your imagination. I exist and and I look for you everyday.)

After she said that, while I was still crying she came closer and kissed me. It was different the the one in the other dream: this time everything moved really fast turning reality into a typhoon of thoughts and feelings and when I felt that it was time to go back I could see her face and hear she saying:

"Je suis toujours avec toi."
(I'm always with you.)

After she said that the inevitable happened: I woke up...again. I noticed something weird this time: my face was red and swollen and my pillow was wet. The tears...they were real.

Je dédie ce texte à toi...partout où tu es.